I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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