was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
