now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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