One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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