i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
