she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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