thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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