I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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