So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
