Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Blood and glitter go together right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
