i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
