Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
