I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
