you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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