I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
