I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
