They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
