then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
