I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
