i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
