I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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