a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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