The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My penis needs a shock collar
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
