and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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