May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
