my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
