I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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