Will you blow on my dice?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
