i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were destined to go to rehab together
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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