Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
