I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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