Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
