I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
