We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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