we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
