Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
