He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the day after is always just damage control
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
