Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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