I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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