he wants to bone in the snuggie
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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