I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
