im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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