She is in my trunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
