I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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