; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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