Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
