a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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