There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
