is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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