i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
