It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
