I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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