i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
