I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
