I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
