Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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