Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
