True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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