Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
