sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
