I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I came so hard my ears popped.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
