For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
