You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
