i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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