She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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