wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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