Im at strip club and am horny
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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