you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
