brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
